Yes. This is a Valentine's Day edition of Waves Podcast. And yes. It's still me hosting.
In this bonus episode, I wanted to do something related to love, because that's kind of what Valentine's Day is about. Now if you're a regular around here, you probably remember me talking about this topic a few times recently, with Francis James, Andrew James and Sober, and mentioning every time that I am single. In fact Andrew and I even joked about our complete lack of skills in this area, which was fun but could let you guys think "So what the hell are you gonna tell us if you don't know anything about it?".
Good point. I'm not super experienced in relationship, to say the least. BUT. I still think I have a few ideas that might be worth considering. In fact most people would talk about love in the context of a relationship, from a couple's point of view, and tell you how you can improve things, make it work and so on. Personally, I'd like to do the exact opposite. I'd like to talk about love from a single person's point of view, and focus on mindset, behaviour, attitude that might help you deal with single life. Cause let's be honest, that's all I really know.
Obviously I'll take a few personal examples but also that of friends, or stuff that me and my guests talked about: Jordan Harry, Nabeelah Munshi, and the other previously cited.
Everybody's trash, but it's alright.
This is the title and the heart of this episode, so I feel like I have to start by explaining it a little. First off, it's a reference to a book by someone I would really love to talk with on the podcast. The book is called Everything's trash but it's alright, it's by Phoebe Robinson and it's not related to love or anything but I love it so much I thought it was a good way to just talk about it. Done. Now second thing I wanted to say is that it is NOT negative AT ALL. It could be understood that way but I want you to focus on the end: It's alright.
See having a lot of single friends, guys and girls, who have had bad experiences with relationships - I'm talking girls cheating on guys, guys being jerks... A whole mess - I have heard a lot of complaints from one gender on the other. All my friends are the victims in these stories, the honest ones, the ones who should technically just move on and find someone better than their ex but... It's a bit more complicated.
Instead of moving on, we all have a period of repressed rage against that person who made us sad, and transfer it towards their whole gender. In my case, spending time talking to a girl who actually had 2 boyfriends already did make me mad against all women for a bit... Which is stupid, of course. While I think that this type of reaction is sort of natural, it doesn't make it okay at all. Traditionally, I feel like the common sentence used to be "Men are trash" because men used to be able to do what they wanted to do without being judged way more than women. I mean it's still the case now, but I think that feminism is starting to affect the way women behave, and that they are finally starting to be equal to men in society. I mean it takes time for people's mindsets to change and actually acknowledge that fact - which seems obvious to most of us - but it is on its way. As a result, they can now act how they want. Do what they want.
Does that mean feminism is bad for love? NO. A friend of mine recently sent me an article which had very obviously been written by a frustrated sexist dude that explained how women are now more powerful than men because they are now able to work and don't rely on them anymore. I mean I'm trying to sum it up but the idea was that things were better before because women had to settle with a guy to be able to live. That's f*cking dumb, of course, but it does prove that things are changing, and that men are not able to control relationships anymore, causing some to react and write articles like this. Yeah, now women are allowed to do what they want, they can be trash too, and that's great.
Well bare with me. Men could do what they want and not women, so some men were "trash" and women suffered. Now things are getting balanced and everybody can do what they want and be a jerk. Now Everybody's trash, or CAN BE trash, which means that things are finally fair. It might be new for men but it's actually just the way human beings as a whole work: some don't want the same things as others, and will screw you up in due time. Some people are bad, some aren't. But it's not defined by gender anymore.
Although you might suffer more if you're not lucky, it also means that nobody's forced to stay with someone who disrespects them. A super cool girl might have been "forced" to be with a jerk in the past, but now she can do what she wants. So if you are a super cool guy you technically have more chance to find your match, no?
What's "trash" anyway?
That's another thing I wanted to talk about. Who decides who's trash anyway? This word is just based on your own personal opinion which differs from that person's own view of things. It doesn't mean someone's bad, it just means they're not the right for you. Maybe someone would love a more "free" relationship, or whatever else. The problem is more that you need to make sure of what each other wants and see if it's an actual "match". Not just a tinder match based on your Facebook likes and profile pictures. See?
That brings me to my second part: Self love. You need to take time to think about what you want, focus on how you feel and be cool with yourself before looking for someone to spend your time with. That includes all kind of things. It's about well-being, peace of mind, self-love and all that. It's basically just finding yourself before searching for someone. It makes total sense to me, and I do subscribe to the idea that you can't build on unsafe foundations. First you have to prepare yourself and only then you'll be able to look for more.
Another topic I find interesting is that you need to accept your single life to actually get out of it. What I mean by that is that, as Sober and I mentionned a few weeks ago, you shouldn't try to find someone just because you have to. You shouldn't feel like you are forced to do it socially to be accomplished. The norm is being single, not with someone you don't like. Jordan Harry also talked about his girlfriend who needed him to be alright in her life, and how bad that was for their relationship. They ended up breaking up for this precise reason: she wasn't able to live on her own, she didn't have those stable foundations and had already starting building a relationship on it.
Finally, a word on confidence. Many guys complain that women like anybody with confidence and that only a-holes are completely confident in themselves... And there's some truth to that. First, yeah women like confident guys, because we all do. Again, it's not about gender. If we're being honest we all love confident people who seem like they know who they are, what they want, unstoppable, blablabla. Also, yes, those a-holes are confident because they have never ever questionned themselves, doubted, or anything like that, which could mean that they are more likely to find a girl than "normal" guys. Again, "normal" isn't the right word but you get it, like, "average guys" or something like that. But does that mean these average guys can't become as confident as a-holes? NO. They actually can! And how? Well by doing everything I mentioned above, working on themselves, introspection, knowing who they are. They don't need to fake a super manly man persona, they just need to figure out who they are and be honest about it. Then confidence will grow and hopefully help find the right person!
Okay I know that this might be more helpful for men and seem like a dude's article but it is really not. Although I'm using mostly guy's experiences, I want you girls to noticed what's written between the lines here. Everything I just said also applies to girls, concerning confidence and introspection etc. AND you can add to this the fact that it is now okay to behave the way they want without feeling judged. I know having sex used to be seen as something good for a guy and bad for a girl but it is DIFFERENT NOW. You can be who you want to be even more than before so please, take that into account as you try and figure out what you want right now. If you just want sex it's fine, say it, maybe guys will be into it and maybe they won't, and same goes for guys. I really believe that this whole "People are trash" mostly comes from a lack of communication and that if nobody was scared to be judged they wouldn't feel like they have to lie.
Okay now that's officially the longest article I've ever written here, but it's still like 50% of what I said in this episode of the podcast, so if you made it this far you should probably consider having a listen on iTunes, Spotify, iHeartRadio , YouTube and all the other podcast platforms... And don't forget to leave a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes too! ;)
Courtney Diamond is the host of a podcast called We're All Human in which she talks about a wide range of subject, from relationships to... Well whatever comes up. I LOVE it. She also has a Twitch channel where she does livestreams playing video games such as The Last Of Us... Which I also love. And finally, she also writes articles on her website, on topics as various as the ones mentioned in her podcast. She can talk about any topic and teach you stuff, and that's what she did in this episode. Oh and I don't think I've ever laughed that much during an interview.
You'll find yourself on the way
Courtney quit her job a while back in order to become her own boss and be able to decide on her time schedule, and it wasn't that easy at first. Obviously, it came after a period of doubt, which started right after she started her blog. Apparently, writing about important life topics brought her to think about her own life and whether she was living it right or not... And she thought she wasn't. She started to do freelance work, from editing stuff on her computer to walking dogs in her neighbourhood, and her blog's audience started to grow in the meantime.
That lead her to be invited on podcasts, a creative outlet that she particularly appreciated... And she thought that starting her own podcast might be a good idea. So she did it! Through this new creative outlet, she realized even more that she had become what she calls a "shadow artist", someone who wants to be an artist but lacks the confidence to do it all the way through, and thus ends up working in a creative field without being completely free creatively. Working for someone. For example, making videos for others when all you want to do is creating your own stuff.
What's your niche though?
Just like me, she had to learn how to market her stuff, and she wrote a few very interesting articles on the topic, which you should definitely read. The one I found most interesting is the one which deals with niches - say it out loud - because it echoes to a problem I personally have. She and I both like very different things. We both like gaming and podcasts, we are creative but can't stick to only one outlet, which is supposed to be bad nowadays. Creators are supposed to have a NICHE, AKA ONE thing they do, that people can identify easily, and that's it. Or at least that's how most people understand it - including me, not gonna lie.
But Courtney explained that niches are more of a tool than a necessity, and that you don't really have to just stick to one, but more like do what you want to do and see under which category the result falls. People will choose your niche or you will on your own, but the process should guide you anyway. Plus you don't have to pick something that sums up your whole personality, but simply one side of it. One aspect of your creativity.
Is bad good?
One thing I particularly loved is when Courtney reminded me that a bad event - or what seems like so at first - is not necessarily all bad in the end. Most of the time, it might even evolve into something kind of positive, because of what you will learn from it. In my case, my almost-dying-before-20yo experience turned out pretty positive, as it made me realize a lot of things about myself and what I really wanted to do, as I explained in last week's bonus episode.
Really, most of the time - not always, I know - it's up to you to turn a bad event into a good experience. And the way you do this is by thinking about it and trying to find positive aspects and change your behaviour based off this reasoning. You will obviously not get transformed right away but it can have a positive impact on your life overtime, and that's something that depends on you. Something you are able to control.
"Hopefully..." But really, you're in control
Courtney said it a few times, people tend to hope more than they take action. We tend to hope more than take action, actually. I have spent a year studying how the way we speak can shape our minds and other people's understanding of one unique idea, how the way you express something can change its meaning... And this is the perfect example. Saying "hopefully" should normally imply that it doesn't only depend on us. You can either refer to God's will if you're religious, or fate, or luck... Whatever. But it's actually all up to you in most cases. What you end up doing with your life depends on you 100%.
I mean I'm not really religious so I don't want to offend anybody, but even if you are, I think it's safe to say that God will always want what's best for you, right? So if you want to... Say you want to become an artist, God probably wants it too. Therefore, for this to happen, all that matters is whether YOU actually take action to move towards this goal right? God will allow it. And if you don't believe in God it's the same, obviously. Your life is entierly between yours hands, and you can't ever mention the concepts of "luck" or "hope" when it comes to your future, because we all know that these don't really count.
What's the worst that could happen?
If you don't take that chance to do what you like, chances are you will regret it. I talked about the time I started to make Vines seriously and regularly 2 months before they announced they would closed the app down... And I can tell you I regret it. Not only because I was stupid for not doing what I wanted to do, but because you then have to live with one awful question: What could have happened? I mean my videos seem to be okay. I'm not more stupid than anybody else... So had I started making Vines when the app was released... I would probably be more successful now. Maybe not Liza Koshy famous but at least have a little audience, right?
And that's what you don't want to happen for you. We say it almost every week but this episode is probably the most motivating ever, given Courtney's ability to make you think about life-changing topics while making you laugh at the same time. You really don't want to miss out. So feel free to listen to this episode on iTunes, Spotify, iHeartRadio and all the other podcast platforms.
This is the first "bonus" episode of Waves Podcast. It's also the first time I ever talk to you guys directly, and the first time an episode has such a weird title. Coincidence? I THINK NOT !
So you make bonus episodes now?
Yeah. These bonus thingies are going to be a way for me to express myself a bit more with the podcast, without actually interviewing anyone. They will be an outlet to tell you personal stories - relevant ones, obviously, not what I ate for lunch - and hopefully interact a bit more with your. For example, I would love to record special episodes with my listeners, asking THEM questions, or answering their questions... That sort of things. And this will be done through these bonus episodes too. It's also a way to diversify Waves Podcast a little and see what you guys prefer: if you like longer episodes, shorter ones, conversations... Etc etc.
Dat title tho.
For this first attempt, I wanted to talk about something I find especially important. Something I think we all need to think about: Happiness. To do that, I thought I would tell you a personal story that has a lot to do with my current "happiness" - although it doesn't mean i'm ALWAYS happy, obviously, it's more of a general state. That's why you'll hear me talk about my depression and my one week holiday at the Jacques Monod Hospital in my hometown. Two "sad" events that are somehow linked, and that I have managed to turn into more positive narratives overtime. Indeed, these are both the expression of a similar problem: the fact that I didn't listen to myself enough a few years ago.
I used to think that whatever I felt was not important, and that I could just fight my feelings as much as needed. That the way I felt had no link with the way I behaved... Which is DUMB, I know. I mean... Now I know but I didn't before. My ability to avoid paying attention to myself, to force myself to study law even though I hated it led me to depression. And my incredible talent for repressing my physical pain led me to hospital. And even though the results may seem a bit different, their origin is the exact same : I didn't listen to myself.
It doesn't explain the title though...
Oh but it does. See, this all made me realize one thing. Human beings need to let some steam out, no matter what they're doing, and no matter how. They must try and find a way to do something they like during their week because otherwise... Their lives are at risk. They might explode just like a pressure cooker. Cause yeah, a pressure cooker is a recipient that contains steam which is released constantly through a safety valve. If there wasn't any valve... It would explode and destroy your house.
Same for us. We have to express ourselves somehow. And keep in mind, I'm not saying you have to quit your job to do what you like, because I know some prefer to work for someone and that's completely fine by me as long as you're happy. BUT, you cannot ONLY work for someone else. You need to do something you like too. Find a passion, and practice it It can be painting, sports, baking... I don't know and I honestly don't care that much. All I care about is that you actually go ahead and do it.
Some of you might know what their passion is already. Other might not. It's fine. Just take a few hours next week to do nothing but dream and imagine what you could do, and what you might enjoy... And then just try it. Maybe you'll be disappoited, maybe not, but in any case THAT will help you let some steam out. Live outside of the job you may not love that much.
Weird metaphor... But when's the next bonus episode?
Soon, probably. I'm not sure yet but I do have a few other topics you guys could be interested in, so it's really up to you. If you like these shorter episodes, you can go ahead and leave a comment here, on youtube, or a review on apple podcast telling me what you think... And if you like it there will one bonus each month ! You decide !
Meanwhile, you can find this episode and all the other ones on iTunes, Spotify, iHeartRadio and all the other podcast platforms.
This week, I got to talk to Hannah Siddiqui, for the 8th episode of Waves Podcast ! For once I wasn't late, I actually was ready very early, and everything went AWESOME. Let me tell you a story...
The Incredible True Story of TheRoadToHannah
At only 20 years old, Hannah seems unstoppable. She's a sociology student in Berkeley, California, but also an influencer, a photographer, a writer, a speaker, she has her own website where she uploads the stuff she creates, she has brand deals, she also works on an app called Bumble... The point is: She does a LOT of stuff and now officially holds the record of most active Waves Podcast guest! The Kylian Mbappé of creativity, if you will - that one's for the football fans out there ;).
Cause yes, she's just as young and impressive as him. I know age shouldn't matter because everybody lives and evolves at his own pace, but I can't help admiring her, and how all this comes out naturally. Obviously I had to ask her how she does it! First, she does what she wants: when she feels like writing, she writes, when she feels like going out to take pictures... She does it. And as a guy who's only started doing this recently, with this podcast, and some videos too... I can tell it really helps expressing yourself. It's like letting everything flow naturally, instead of always trying to block some things and let others out. Kinda weird analogy I know but also very accurate. The second thing Hannah told me, is that even though it's easy to be impressed by how many stuff she works on, she also has moments when she feels down.
Be Vulnerable As Hell
That's connected to this sentence I found on her website: "be vulnerable as hell". That's how she chose to describe the goal of her writing and the whole concept of TheRoadToHannah, her personal brand. She wants it to be as real as possible, and so, never pretend to be stronger than she is. Just vulnerably honest.
She told me that the reason she wants to do this is that most people on the Internet these days, just show off their perfect lives and act happy all the time, but that's not real. That's not her, that's not me, that's not you. By doing this, she wants to tell her audience to accept and embrace their vulnerability, and understand that no one is happy 100% of the day, we all feel down sometimes... Including this 20 yo creative girl that's already successful and inspires more people than she suspects.
Personally, I try to do the same since my conversation with Nabeelah a few weeks ago. I always post inspiring quotes on Instagram and I now pay attention not to put pressure on the audience. The aim is to make you feel better and not force you to do something I think might help you, simply because we are all different, and there is no general solution to find happiness. I'm also thinking about trying some new "depressed" insta stories, where I would share some unfiltered everyday thoughts, even when they're sad... But I'm not sure how exactly to do that yet. I have to figure this out.
Let's tell Our Stories, Let's Learn and Grow Together
Once people will feel "allowed" to share their more "depressing" and sad days on social media, the platform will become a safe place to share our stories, Hannah explained. When this is the case, we will all be able to talk freely, to tell our stories and use our voices the way we want. This should eradicate most of the negativity that permeates the Internet these days. Once shared, these stories, these personal experiences, all this knowledge will be available for anyone to see and learn, and share theirs in turn... Making it possible for everyone to grow as human beings.
This is what the Internet was meant to be: A free source of knowledge. Unfortunately, the "free" part seems out of reach in many cases, but social media are different. They are free - and forever, as Facebook proudly says - so we are actually able to make them a more positive and safe place for everyone. If everybody was like Hannah, and if negative judgement became irrelevant - because everybody would be sharing their "weakness" - then Instagram would instantly turn into a Disney type of world. Right now, it's more of a Hollywood action movie, and we aren't all Vin Diesels. We can't deal with that. So for our interest, we should stop seeing sadness or weakness as bad, stop judging, stop spreading negativity in the hope we will receive less and less of it in return. I should be able to say, as a straight male, that I love romantic comedies without fearing others' judgements. Well I do say it... But that's cause I'm used to it. Others might not, so please, be positive, accept the negative aspects of life.
Gender, Sexuality and Tolerance
I have to talk about gender, sexuality and tolerance too, because Hannah taught me a lot on this topic. See, as a straight white male, there are many issues I have no idea about. Not because I want to ignore them, but simply because it's easy to forget others' problems when you're so privileged. For this reason, as I mentioned a few times before on the podcast, I'm really trying to learn about things I don't know, about others' issues. I try to understand how racism affects others - I mean I'm not stupid, I know racism is bad, I just don't know to what extent because I haven't experienced it - and any other type of discrimination.
I grew up with black and brown people, so I sort of happen to know more about race. But I didn't know anybody that's not heterosexual until 5 months ago.
I think it is important for everyone to acknowledge our ignorance in order to learn more and become tolerant, which is why I asked Hannah how she learnt about this topic. First: she studies it at uni, that helps. But she also told me that the best way to learn about it was to simply contact people who experience discrimination, asking them "hey, I would like to learn more about the way you feel in order to help me be more tolerant. In the worst case, they'll say "nahh I'm busy"... In the best case, you'll learn a heck of a lot very easily. So thanks, Hannah.
NOVEMBER 6TH is TOMORROW !
Final words on a very important topic. Well, two, but one is only important to me.
Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY - party cone hats on these motherf - AND the midterm elections in the United States - a very serious and worrying topic. Me and Hannah talked about our political ideas and ideals, which are similar, luckily... The podcast might have ended very abruptly otherwise.
But what WE think does not matter. YOUR voice must be heard, and the way you do this is by VOTING. You simply need to find out where you're supposed to vote, go there, ask them how it works, they'll tell you. If you aren't registered, or have any question about this, simply go to Vote.org. Registration takes less than 2 minutes, apparently.
The reason we want you to vote is that letting others decide for you is never the best option. Whether you like the current president or not, you do not want to sit this one out and regret it later. We will not give you any order or advice on who you should vote for - although we did say who we prefer but, you can disagree, it's fine - we want you to PICK ONE. Obviously the perfect candidate does not exist, and you won't agree with everything they say. What you need to do is take a moment and find out what resonates more within you. You don't want a candidate that's not ready for office, because the consequences could be bad. You do not want someone that might harm you, the people you love... Or anybody else.
Do not let the bipartisan system fool you, candidates can dress red or blue and still be f*ck*ng d*cks. You need to vote for a good person not just a good candidate who tells anybody what they want to hear. You need to find an inspiring human being who is ready to represent you, and to protect you.
So for my birthday, all I ask for is for you to vote.
In the meantime, if you want to listen to Hannah and all my other guests talk about some very inspirational and motivational topics, please have a listen on iTunes, Spotify, iHeartRadio and all the other podcast platforms.
As someone who's always been interested in movies and acting and directing etc etc... Talking to Rebecca Knowles, a very talented actor you might have seen on The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix, was like a dream. In fact, I even found it hard to "wake up" and remember I was recording a podcast, which explains the length of this episode. I used this opportunity to help myself and others to learn about the movie industry. How to become an actor, where to go, who to contact, websites, locations, everything. And obviously... We ended up digressing quite a bit too.
Don't be afraid of failure... Or success
It seems odd to imagine anyone who might be afraid of success. The main reason why people don't do what they would like to do is usually a fear of failing and the inherent doubts and self-questioning that will follow. Sure, that's true. But what about the risks success might bring? The change of situation, a new comfort that somehow discomforts our current comfort zone? Take time, read again if necessary.
I didn't really think about it before but my interview with Rebecca really did change my perspectives on many aspects of life. Or actually, it even made me realize stuff that had never crossed my mind before. And yes, being scared of success seems as real as being scared of failure. I think most people are aware of the dangers of their fear of failure but don't know about their fear of success, making it even more "dangerous" for their success itself. Why being scared of that? Well because success is just as threatening for their comfort in the short run. It implies a change in behaviour and routine... Even if it offers more comfort in the long run. It's quite complex and it took me a while to get it too, but I really do think it's worth mentioning. Just to make sure you know about it, and don't let it affect you.
There's no way for you not to grow
Another "wooaaaaaw" moment was when Rebecca told me that growth and progress were actually very easy to reach. She started by explaining that the first step towards basically any goal was to give yourself permission to reach it. In your mind. Manifest a desire, to attract that thing you want. I had heard about this before, but then she added that once you start taking action and work toward completing your objectives, then you WILL grow as a human. Always.
And it's obvious ! Because no matter what happens, whether it fails or succeeds, whether you start doubting or just do it... You will experience new things, you will learn from your wins and your losses, and these life lessons will help you progress no matter what. You overthink it? Well chances are you will notice it and that will help solve this aspect of your life. You start and it works right away? Well good for you, you've reached step 1 of your goal, keep going like that. So why trying to improve yourself when you know you naturally will?!
Creativity has never been more free
As a content creator, who oftens finds excuses for him not making/creating/posting more stuff, this one was eye-opening. I live in a world where it has never been that easy to create ever before. I have all I need to do it and so do you. You have a camera and a microphone in your phone. You have more free-time and better living conditions than your grandparents... Everything seems perfect for you to create, so why not doing it?
And more than just nice "perk", this should be a duty. My ability to create freely and tell whichever story I want to tell without needing the approval of some middle-aged white dude is obviously a very nice creative freedom thing... But it could also have larger consequences. As an artist, our goal is always to bring something to people. We don't know exactly what, or why... But we want this. Or NEED this, actually. And now, being able to create so freely means I can literally bring something to ANYONE, tell a story for the kids, for homosexuals... For homosexual kids... I can use my voice to make anyone feel better, which is incredibly inspiring for me. i can prove them that their story matters. That their voices can be heard and should be heard.
Plus my success, if success there is one day, could inspire younger people to do it too, and help even more people... etc etc. In fact, Rebecca mentioned Rachel Bloom, who created Crazy Ex-Girlfriend even though nobody knew her and ended up with a show on TV ! Things happen now and they can happen fast if you just give it a try. It might be scary at times to see all these possibilities our era offers us, but I know that this visceral reaction I get when I start thinking about it is the proof that this is EXACTLY what I should be doing. So I will.
Who knows where this podcast could go?
Rebecca's natural positivity is contagious. After evoking those changes in the industry and new technologies that allow us to create more and more easily, she talked about Waves Podcast a little. Her explanation on how this concept is interesting was probably the biggest compliment she could have made me, so I was very happy to hear it. Also, given how nice she was, I may have to precise that she did it on her own, and for free. I know it's weird to say it but these days... You never know.
So yeah, I might interview Jim Carrey in a few months or years, as she said, and I'm ready for it. In the meantime, if you want to listen to Rebecca and all my other guests talk about some very inspirational and motivational topics, please have a listen on iTunes, Spotify, iHeartRadio and all the other platforms.
You don't have to feel good, but if you want to...
Nabeelah is a marketing student and has a job in... Marketing related stuff. I don't really know what it is but she does marketing. She markets. Anyway. The reason I invited her in this episode is because I discovered her through her podcast Dear You and literally fell in love. I did say it a LOT during our conversation but yeah, I really love what she does. Nabeelah opens the doors to her mind which is, just like ours, sometimes calm, sometimes hectic... And most of the time something in the middle.
What is especially nice, though, is her dedication to help others. That's why she started her podcast and I didn't need her to tell me that... I knew it already. It's obvious that Nabeelah is used to helping others - which she confirmed in this episode - and that she has a lot of knowledge on this topic. She reads a lot of self-help books and you can feel it in her analysis of each topic we talked about. The lady knows her stuff.
This is Waves Podcast.
I usually try and find a sentence said by my guest in the interview and use it as a title for the episode, which can be difficult at times. These quotes are like gems and by definition, quite rare. We don't walk around talking like if we were writing a book. Well... She kinda does. And that proves two things: She is veeery good at talking - which comes in handy when you're recording a podcast - and she has thought of almost everything I asked about. I don't know how to feel about this, like, if it means my questions were too obvious or not, but it was very nice to follow the flow of her thoughts, making us discover new ideas and concepts, realize things that we had never even thought about.... I called this podcast Waves Podcast, and Nabeelah is a Wave. The perfect guest. An interesting girl and an endless source of "damn, I didn't know that!".
That's why I finished this episode by asking her to come back on this podcast. Every week I feel like I could have talked to my guest an hour more without being out of question... But this time I was like "Woaw ! We could actually do a whole other podcast series !". It just felt natural, and fun... I felt like I was talking to an old friend or something like that... If that friend knew everything about self-help and personal development and self-improvement and whatever you want to call it.
To get/become better, don't try to.
The main idea though, is that we put too much pressure on ourselves. We try to organize things we're not sure will happen, we try to be happy at all times, we try to be strong at all times... But Nabeelah explained that it's not how it works. Trying to avoid sadness, weakness, getting embarrassed... It's just not how human beings work. We are supposed to do things without overthinking them, and deal with the consequences in due time. If you want to go on stage and talk, do it. Other people's judgement shouldn't scare you because the actual consequences are almost non existent. If you want to be strong well stop trying to fight your emotions and especially your sadness. Accepting them and embracing them will bring you peace in the long run.
On the whole, overthinking, trying too hard to be happy and improve yourself will only bring emotional distress. Or as Nabeelah said it: "You won't get clarity just by thinking about it. Only anxiety." Yet another proof of her quote-making skills. She said she wanted to start a blog but didn't manage to write and preferred to talk on a podcast but... There are some books waiting to be written, and some readers waiting for these books.
For more mind-blowing quotes and inspirational self-help content, check out this episode on iTunes, Spotify, and all the other podcast platforms.
Rosie McCarthy was born in New Zealand but decided to follow her French boyfriend a few years ago and settle in Paris. That sentence you can see above is the only French sentence she knew upon arrival - it means "hi, I'm Rosie" - and it is NOT enough to survive in Paris... French people aren't really good at English and for some reason, Parisians are even worse. What's interesting in her story is that even though she started to feel homesick - as you do when you can't even talk to anybody on the street and have no friends - she decided to create a YouTube channel called Not Even French to share her experience with other expats. She talked about French people, stuff that surprised her in France, and what she calls "cultural shocks"... And in a matter of months, she had already built an audience. Now, a year after, she has reached 55000 subscribers on YouTube, half of what she thinks is necessary to become a full-time youtuber.
Ironically, her audience is not the one she expected: most of her subscribers are French people who, just like me, are curious to see how they are perceived by foreigners. Moreover, Rosie's deep analysis of French culture even helps us - French people - learn about ourselves and understand the history behind our behaviours, or our deep attachment to labour laws for example. In fact, you should probably check for yourself here.
Experiencing a new culture
That's how I would sum up Rosie's channel, she tells us all about France and French people, but it also works the other way around. We, the audience, experience a different culture too, hers. Her good mood and exterior point of views are two typical aspects of New Zealand's culture, as she pointed out during the interview. People are more positive there - more than Frenchmen, which isn't that hard - and try to focus on solutions rather than debating problems, as French and all Europeans tend to do. And... I cannot tell you how French I am on this point. I almost didn't start this podcast because "obviously a YouTuber with 50k subscribers is never going to want to talk to me". Well... She did. Cause yes, Rosie is the first person I ever contacted for this podcast and the first positive answer I got too. Without her, there would be no Waves Podcast. Her natural good mood cured my pessimism a little.
What about the interview though?
Well, I think it's better you just listen to it. I mean I say this every week but it's particularly true this time: We talked about SO MANY different stuff. YouTube keywords, getting collabs, french stereotypes, her marriage, realizing her success on YouTube, her job at L'Oréal, her creative process, learning, positivity, what shocked her the most about France, marketing VS creativity and of course, what advice she would give to her younger self... And everything I told you about just above.
So yeah, That's a lot. And if you create content of any kind you definitely want to listen to this episode, cause it was a very good lesson/reminder for me too. She also explained how to find efficient keywords and titles to make your videos stand out on YouTube and coming from someone who's obviously very good at it... That's a very precious gift.
YouTube collabs and attention-seeking
Something I found particularly really interesting and that I want EVERYBODY to know, is what she said about collaborations on YouTube. She has done a few, including one of my favorite videos: her collab with comedian Paul Taylor on French insults. Paul is one of my favorite comedians in France. I mean he's British and his act is in English... But he is just more famous in France thanks to his TV series "What The Fuck France" - which you can find here. In fact, I would love to have him on the podcast but as Rosie said, "he's a busy guy"... Which makes it even more surprising that he accepted to appear in a "small" youtuber's video (Rosie had less subscriber then).
See, Rosie did not plan on making a collab with him. She met him through another comedian she made a video with... And funnily enough: She didn't plan on making a collab with her either ! She simply went to an even where Sarah Donelly was performing, had no idea who she was - a quite established comedian - and went to talk to her and compliment her on her performance. Next thing you know: Rosie has a drink with Sarah, Paul is there, they drink together, they go home... And a while after she sees in Paul Taylor's Instagram story that he's with Sarah, sends a heart emoji, and Paul follows her. She asks for the collab, he says yes. The end.
Luck + Professionalism + ??? = Good collab
What's so impressive with this story is how Rosie was both "professional" and SOOO lucky - read "sooo lucky" with a bit of jealousy in the tone. Of course she was lucky ! She met Paul by chance and had drinks with him ! That's luck ! But she also presented her video idea very clearly, offered to do all the work, record it in less than 20 minutes, said she understood how busy he was... All of the things. And it worked ! Why? Well both of these ingredients did play a huge part, obviously, but what Rosie highlighted in our convo is that she didn't do a video with Paul Taylor to make a video with Paul Taylor. She proposed an idea that suits him and his humour perfectly : a video about insults with the comedian that stars in "What the FUCK France" - emphasis on FUCK, which is pretty rude.
See, I've been making videos for a while now. I started in 2013 with gaming videos recorded in my room with my best friend. We were playing FIFA, if you must know. And the first video was only the first half cause the song used in the game was copyrighted, if you must know. The point is: I started completely unprepared, as opposed to Rosie, who did study video-making a LOT before uploading anything. Then my best friend stopped making videos, and I kept doing it. I've felt very alone on that road and tried to reach out to my favourite YouTube to ask to make videos together. Obviously they were famous ones, obviously they said no. But it makes sense now.
I mean I've never been an attention-seeking kid who just wants to get likes and fame - although I would appreciate if you subscribed to my YouTube channel - but I still did not understand how collabs work. Like sure, I wasn't trying to get some subscribers from collaborating with a famous dude. But I was really trying too hard. Here's how it should work: you should have an idea, see it requires something else, find someone and offer them to do it. Here's what I did: I wanted to collab with someone and tried to find ideas of stuff we could do together. It's not as bad as just saying "make a video with me" but it's not coming from the right creative place either, which they may have sensed through my emails.
It's a huge lesson. Cause I still want to do collabs, and I'm really planning to make some in the future. In fact I have ideas that require other people and have kept them on hold for months because I felt like it was useless to even ask. Now I know its coming from the right place, and I'm going to try. And not only with famous people, just with people who could do the job and have fun doing it.
Yeap, huge YouTubing lesson here. And it's like 5mns of that one-hour long podcast.
So please check it out, on iTunes, Spotify, and all the other platforms.